This I believe

Mijn eerste essay die ik moest schrijven voor mijn Capstone. Het is al 3 maanden geleden. Geschreven op 27 aug.
Dus voor de gene die hem willen lezen, there it is! Cijfers was A-.


This I believe.
“I walked into the dark room and tried to put down that heavy suitcase I was pulling all the way up that long stairs. I couldn’t turn on the lights because my new roommate was asleep. Was she a nice person? I was going to live with her for four months in one room. Was it going to be fun?
Finally I got into my bed and stared at the wall in front of me. It was white, just like my new and fresh start here. A strange, empty feeling got into my stomach . I was all on my own.”

My home country is Holland. I am from Zeist, Utrecht.  Together with my two sisters, we live in a very wealthy environment. I am rich and not only in money. I am rich with my carrying mother, my hard working father and my two totally different sisters. We are the three ‘ Bakker-sisters’. I could not imagine a more loving family I want to live in. This is my home, they are my home.

In the past five years, I have grown hugely as a person. I have become the person that I am today, I have become who I wanted to be for so long but couldn't be . For a long time I was nobody. My opinion to the outside world didn't exist. Nobody would listen to me. I didn’t  say anything with conviction which makes it that nobody listened to me.
At the age of fourteen I could not take it any longer. Day in and day out I felt helpless, alone and lost. Although I had friends, my insecurity blocked my ability to make them my true friends. I found help at a psychiatrist.  I went there for a year, which made a huge change. Now I regret that I haven’t been there before.

This past year, I had the greatest year since I first begun school. Because of the therapy I felt more secure of showing myself and my personal things like my opinion or my prefers. I felt more secure of hanging out with them and make a real band with them. I know they'll my friends for life.
Still, it didn't felt complete. There were still some people who only knew me as the 'old-Laurelle'. Now I am here at St. Johnsbury Academy. This is the place where I want to develop even further but starting all over again.

Here at the St. Johnsbury Academy, they give me the opportunities that I like. I like the weather circumstances, the snow, I like that I can follow any class that I want. That means that I can follow the art classes which I prefer. The attention they give to boarding students here is great. They make me really feel like I am important and my presence here is important.  

“ When I woke up the next morning it was 6:30. The light blinded my eyes. I had forgotten to close my curtains. Looking around my room, I felt the horrible feeling in my stomach again. When I saw all the suitcases, overloaded with clothes and other usable things, I felt even more lost. Where should I begin? What was today's schedule? Why hadn't anybody given that to me? Who would care for me?”

I felt terrible the first few days on my new campus. I felt out of place and terribly lonely. Then something magical happend. I remembered a sentence my mother once said to me.'”There are lots of people who can say things to you to make you feel better about yourself. But there is just one person who actually can make that happen. You”.

Here are people who haven’t met you before. They don't judge you, they don't place you into a corner.
To change yourself you need a lot of perseverance. It takes time to see your hard work pay off. You will feel lonely and lost. These are the moments you won't realize that you are changing because moments like that make you stronger.

“I am sitting at my desk, writing this essay. I realize that this place is giving me the opportunities to change the way I want to change. I want to change into this independent woman who can take care of herself. Yes, that's what I want to be. And I know, that I can change. And I know that everybody can change “

Being here in America, in Vermont, at the St. Johnsbury Academy makes me able to complete my goal.
That is to be more independent, more mature and more secure about myself. The last things I miss to complete the last part of my journey. To close my battle and feel satisfied.


Everybody here at the Academy is able to restart and make your dreams come true.
If you want to be more independent, who will say you can't ?
If you want to become a better person then you ever were, to go beyond your dreams, who will stop you from reaching that goal?

I truly hope that every single person on this planet, in America, in this Academy, and in my dorm can realize that they can change.
Everybody can change, so this I believe.



Laurelle Bakker, 08-27-09